Inspired by the Mad Magazine reading book parodies, these humor pieces will provide the reader with education as well as entertainment.


10. TELEVISION

10.1. Reality TV

See the Pacific island!
Ahhh!
Sun, sun, sun.
See the beautiful beaches!
Surf, surf, surf.
See the white sand.
White, white, white.
See the group of people on the island.
White, white, white.
What are they doing there?
Oh, nothing really...
Are they natives?
No.
The natives are busy working and having lives.
Are they rescue workers after a tsunami?
No.
Are they there to study the natural life of the Pacific?
No.
Are they survivalists? Waiting for civilization to collapse?
No.
Is anything interesting happening with these people?
No.
Are they intelligent, charismatic, amusing characters?
Bricks are more charismatic.
So what on Earth are these people doing on that island?
They're on TV.
That's all!
Really.
Perhaps you ask yourself:
"Who wants to watch a bunch of dullards doing 'nothing really' on TV?"
I have no idea.
Other dullards?

10.2. TV News

See the TV action news reporter.
Report, report, report.
He's a man of action!
Always trotting the globe!
Ever ready to stand by when disaster strikes
or war ravages a country
or a plane is hijacked
or a criminal is caught.
Heroically he stands around a dramatic event
-- well, perhaps not too close --
-- maybe a few miles away from it --
-- or in a neighboring country --
and tells us what we are watching on the TV screen:
"As you can see, we are still waiting for the plane to land."
"As you can see, we are still waiting for survivors to be found in the wreckage."
"As you can see, people are starving to death all around me."
Sometimes the reporter says:
"Damn it, I can't just stand here and blab! Let me give the rescue workers a hand."
Kidding!!
The action news reporter would never do that.
He's too busy telling us what we're already watching.

10.3. Children's Television

See the Japanese TV cartoon.
Pow! Whoosh! Zap!
See the animated Japanese cartoon heroes.
Hyaaa! Raaah! Wooo!
They have amazing powers!
Such as the power of speaking without breathing
or without moving their jaws
or without moving much at all.
Every week the animated heroes fight a new monster!
Such as the "Megafnord"
which happens to be on sale in all stores
for the price of 29,99 bucks.
Yes, by some amazing coincidence
all the monsters the heroes fight in the weekly TV cartoon
also happen to be for sale in stores.
Some parents get mad at the cartoon producers.
"Your cartoons are nothing but commercials!" they complain.
"You're manipulating our kids into buying junk!"
These parents are unpatriotic Commie traitors
and a threat to our lifestyle.
Don't they realize that animated Japanese cartoons
are the last bastion of network TV?
Without those, the networks would go bankrupt
and then who would air these wonderful Japanese cartoons?
So there.

10.4. TV Commercials

See the TV commercial.
Sell, sell, sell.
Loud, loud, loud.
We can learn so many useful things from commercials!
For example, did you know...
...that women live in mortal fear of a blue liquid leaking out of their bodies?
...that shampoo can give women multiple orgasms?
...that beautiful women eat candy instead of having sex?
...that women will throw off their clothes and have sex with men who use deodorant?
...that women throw themselves at any slob who drinks fizzy brown water?
...that women sometimes enjoy driving a car naked?
...that women toss their heads in jerky motions
while they smile like idiots
so that their long hair flies through the air?
(I see that every day! Women tossing their hair like maniacs... ought to be a law against it!)
Why do commercials tell us these things about women?
Because the people who make commercials
believe that women are gullible, emotional idiots
who will let commercials picture women as gullible, emotional idiots.
Let us pray this is not true.

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